Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
