I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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