so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
