I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
