Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
only you would photoshop your dick
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
