am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
