butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
