bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
