my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
