i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
