It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
false alarm, still single
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