so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
