Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he puts the penis in happiness.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
