You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
it was like his penis was on wheels.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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