Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
