I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
