i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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