Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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