Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
