Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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