it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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