your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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