did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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