you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
