What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
