found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So squirting runs in the family.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
