I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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