He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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