dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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