Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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