you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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