if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
