she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Drake has all the answers
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
