I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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