And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
