Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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