I need help removing her.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just pee around me
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
