so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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