turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
