Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
