I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
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