I just made out with a guy for $7.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Can vaginas get frostbite?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
