woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
