Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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