omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
