yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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