I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
