Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Drake has all the answers
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
