i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
