apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
